Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize