I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
