be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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