he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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