I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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