"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
