just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
