I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
