I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
