Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
