I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
