we have officially lost it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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