wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
