I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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