Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
