Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
