Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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