Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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