if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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