My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
