using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
