A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
