The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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