i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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