he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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