After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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