can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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