I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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