Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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