my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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