the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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