Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
