Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
