you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
