Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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