Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
