Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
