I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
