so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's never too late to be topless.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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