I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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