I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize