Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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