my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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