Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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