No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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