if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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