i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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