He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
