What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
