just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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