Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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