I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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