Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
