She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
