You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
