ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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