I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
