I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
