he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
