it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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