He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
