Kiss
Puke
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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