i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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