Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize