I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
