In the future we'll all be gay
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
