How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
