Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
