Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
