I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
