Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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