drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Houston, we have a blender
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
