does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
