The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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