Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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