Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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