I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
