A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
