i need an iv and a liver transplant
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
